A Bite Of The Big Apple
by The Marauders Minus Two
Summary: The marauders can survive New York City. But, can New York City survive the marauders?


The Marauders can survive New York City, but can New York City survive the Marauders ****

A Bite of the Big Apple

Author's notes for alternative titles for various parts of this story.: Dude, Where's My Bag? Once Upon a statue. Sirius Lee Drunk. Trip, Fall, and Bounce. 

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Other Author's notes: This story is PG-13 for cursing and other implied things. Nothing that bad, we promise, it's all implied! We guarantee you that this story will make you laugh at least once! If you thought any of our other stories were funny, this one is absolutely hilarious! if you don't find something in there funny, your sense of humor jumped off the Empire State Building cause it couldn't stand you!

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Disclaimer: Aside from the plot, and a few insignificant characters, we own nothing. So, enough rambling…on to the story!

"May I have your attention?" Dumbledore stood up, and all talk ceased. "It is a tradition for the seventh year class to take a trip the week before graduation. This year I am pleased to announce that we will be going to New York City." 

Three voices echoed from the back of the Gryffindor table, "New York City?!"

"I do hope," Dumbledore continued, eyeing the three boys now giving each other mischievous looks. "That we will not regret this decision. I want you all to be on your best behavior." He eyed the three boys who stared back innocently. 

Back up in the dorm room, four boys were talking animatedly.

"I can't believe we're going to New York!" said James.

"We're going to New York! We're going to New York!" Sirius jumped around singing.

"Sirius, are you seventeen or seven?" asked Remus. Sirius shrugged and continued.

"What's New York?" asked Peter finally, looking confused. Sirius stopped singing and looked at him with shock and horror on his face.

"How can you not know what New York is?" he demanded. "It's New York!"

"New York City, located on the eastern coast of the United States, is one of the largest cities and most heavily populated cities in the states. The city was a major industrial leader in the early part of the century, and continues to be…"

"Moony! Stop!" shouted Sirius. "We don't need encyclopedia definitions! Now what New York City really is. It is the coolest spot on the planet. Complete with annoying Americans, large buildings, and plenty of beautiful young women waiting and willing to be swept off their feet by a dashing young Brit." 

"He would be thinking about girls," muttered James.

"And just who is this dashing young Brit?" asked Remus. "Is it Peter?" Sirius gave him a look.

"Really, is it Peter?" Remus teased. "I want to know! Tell me!"

"Oh, shut up Moony!" said Sirius. Remus grinned evilly. 

"Time for pitch Black!" shouted Remus, shoving Sirius and knocking him off his feet.

"Yay!" shouted James. "My favorite game!"

"No!" Sirius moaned as he was tossed back and forth across the room. Just then Lily entered.

"Help!" Sirius shouted. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Playing pitch black again?" she asked. James grinned at the sight of Lily, dropped Sirius, and hurried over to give her a kiss.

"Ouch!" Sirius moaned. "Prongs! You dropped me!"

"Thanks for the information, Captain Obvious!" said Remus.

Three days later, the students piled off of the Hogwarts Express and onto the airplane buses. After the most terrifying experience of the driver's lives, they dropped the kids off at Gatwick Airport.

"Whoa!" said Peter. "Look at all the people!"

"Yeah Peter, it's an international airport," said Lily.

"Don't use big words! They confuse me!" whined Peter. Just then, Snape walked by. 

"I can't believe we have to travel mudblood style!"

"Shut up, Snape," said Remus.

"I'd watch it, werewolf," Snape whispered. "Americans don't take kindly to dangerous monsters."

"Well, then I guess you're going to have a bit of trouble then, aren't you?" Sirius shot back. He gave them a look of deep loathing and walked off, his cronies trailing behind. 

Now what?" James asked. 

"Now we check our bags." Lily told him. They wandered to the ticket counter where Dumbledore was checking a large trunk. 

"Hello." He grinned at the Marauders. 

"Um, professor? What are you wearing?" Sirius asked in a small voice. 

"Muggle clothes. Does it work?" Dumbledore had found a Hawaiian t-shirt, Bermuda shorts, and a very large cowboy hat. Along with his long white hair and beard, the sight was very amusing. 

"Um, yeah, sure Professor." Lily told him, trying not to laugh. James, Remus, and Sirius were beyond all help. 

"Then I'll see you at the gate. B4, I think." With that, he turned and headed off. 

"B4? Before what?" Peter asked. 

"No, Peter. B. 4…oh never mind!" said Remus. They took their bags to get checked. James frowned as he was approached by the attendant who tried to take his bag. 

"No! It's my bag! You can't have it!" he shouted to the airline worker, who looked thoroughly confused and a bit frightened. James held the bag tightly in his arms.

"James," said Lily, as James glared angrily at the airline worker. "No, James, sweetie, they're just checking your bag. You'll get it back when we get off the plane." James reluctantly handed over his bag, Lily still assuring him that it would be all right. As they were fighting, Sirius slipped away. Next thing Remus knew, he heard a voice shouting, 

"NO! Sir, you can't go in there!" He turned to find Sirius, halfway through the conveyer belt opening, where all the bags were going. 

"Oh, bloody hell!" he helped the airline attendant pull Sirius out. 

"I was looking for my bag." He explained. "I wanted to go with it." 

"Sir, you can't check yourself." 

"If I was a big black dog, could I?" Before the man could answer, Remus dragged him away. They joined up with Lily who was comforting James and reassuring him that his bag would be just fine.

Then they headed off to the gate. When they got there, Peter said, "Oh! B4! I get it!" Remus buried his head in his hands. Lily and James were too busy to notice, and Sirius was checking out the girl at the check in counter. 

"Lily! James! Do you have to do that in public?" Remus asked, finally noticing what James and Lily were too busy doing. 

"Oh, Moony, get off their backs. They are engaged." Sirius told him, straining to see past the fat man who'd just stepped in line. 

Then finally Lily and James finished and they sat down. Dumbledore smiled at then and looked at his newspaper. It was only a few seconds later, when they noticed a small girl standing next to their headmaster. 

Dumbledore looked up. "Yes?" she pushed his newspaper aside and climbed on his lap. Once comfortable, she looked straight at him. 

"For Christmas, I want a pony." The Marauders burst out laughing. Dumbledore looked a bit confused. 

"A pony? Well, why don't you go ask your mummy? I'm sure she could get you one." He said. She glared at him. 

"Mummy said you'd get me one." Sirius fell out of his chair and Remus fell into the empty space where Sirius had been. They barely noticed. 

"Er, ask me again later." 

"I want a pony now." 

"I can't get you a pony now."

"I WANT a PONY NOW!" now people were starting to look. Dumbledore looked a bit scared. Suddenly the girl's mother ran up. 

"I'm sorry." She said, dragging the screaming child off Dumbledore and pulling her out of sight. The Marauders laughed only harder and Sirius started to hyperventilate. 

"You know, Sirius, if you pass out, I'm not doing mouth to mouth." Said James. This only made Sirius laugh harder. 

"On the other hand, if it were Lily, you'd be more than happy to." Remus said. Sirius was now turning a slight blue. 

"Guys! He can't breathe!" Lily shouted. 

"Oh alright." Remus mumbled. He slipped his wand into his sleeve, hiding it from view and stunned Sirius. Sirius stopped laughing, and began to breathe again, except he was sort of unconscious. 

Dumbledore finally turned back and raised his eyebrow at Remus. 

"I had to! He wasn't breathing!" Remus said in defense. Dumbledore shook his head and with a flick of his wand, brought Sirius back to consciousness. James helped him sit up, and Sirius looked around with a confused and somewhat dazed expression. 

"Santa, I want a pony," mumbled Sirius.

"We finally found out Sirius's secret wish," said James.

"Rudolph!" shouted Sirius, seeing James.

"Sirius," said Remus. "Are you okay?"

"Okee dokie Mrs. Claus!" said Sirius, still looking a bit woozy and very out of it. Remus looked very offended.

"I'm never stunning him again," he muttered. 

"What's up with him?" asked Peter. Sirius turned to him.

"Remus got run over by a reindeer, in the forbidden forest Christmas eve, You may say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Prongsie, we believe!" Sirius sang in a three year old voice.

James solved everyone's problems by slapping Sirius across the face.

"Ouch! What the hell did ya do that for? God damn it that hurt!" Then he spied Dumbledore sitting right in front of him. "Oh, bloody hell!" he mumbled. 

"Oh yeah, like that makes it better." Remus said. Dumbledore just shook his head. 

"Calling all row for flight 7173 to New York. Now boarding at gate B4." 

"Hogwarts!" Dumbledore called. The kids lined up and boarded slowly. People yelled at Snape as he tried to cram his oversized bag into the overhead bin and finally the stewardess had to take it from him and stow it below. 

When they got to their seats, James and Sirius managed to have a fight over who go the window seat and while they were shouting at each other, Peter slipped in. They noticed him, shrugged and James took the seat next to Lily across the aisle. Remus took the seat beside Peter and Sirius sat next to him. 

Snape gave them sneers as he climbed in the seats behind them, and an old couple, not from Hogwarts, sat in front of them. 

"Damn, quick, Moony. Sit down!" Sirius hissed at Remus who was still trying to stow his bag. He grabbed Remus and dragged him into his seat. 

"What?" he asked, sprawled over Sirius and his own seat. 

"Lockhart's coming." Remus made a face and quickly climbed into his seat and fastened his seat belt. James did his as well, and slipped his arm around Lily just as Gilderoy Lockhart, blond and grinning, came down the aisle. 

"Hullo, mates! Any room for a an old chap like me?" 

"Um, no sorry." Remus mumbled. Sirius raised his eyebrows. But Lockhart took the only remaining seat, next to Snape. 

"Howdy, partner! Oops, I mean, top of the morning to you, my good man." Sirius groaned. 

"Bloody Americans." He mumbled. 

"He tries way too hard." James muttered across the aisle. "I can't believe Dumbledore let him come!" 

"Hey Remus, did you hear about that plane crash?" asked Sirius, giving Remus a look.

"What plane crash?" asked Remus.

"You know," said Sirius, prompting.

"Oh, yeah, that plane crash!" said Remus, catching on. "That one where all the people died."

"Yeah, they all drowned," said Sirius. "Every single one of them." The old woman in front of them shuddered.

"Plane crash?" she asked, turning around.

"Oh, yeah," said Sirius casually, as the plane took off. "You know the one. It was just last week."

"Yeah, but that wasn't as bad as the other one I heard about," said Remus. "Where the plane ran out of fuel, you know."

"Oh, that's right," said Sirius. "And they crashed into the Rocky Mountains. They still haven't found half of the passengers."

"Are you serious?" the woman gasped.

"Yeah," Sirius answered honestly.

"Oh, honestly, you're terrible," said Lily from across the aisle.

"Hey, I am Sirius," Sirius pointed out.

"We're all going to die, we're all going to die…" the lady in front of them moaned continuously, rocking back and forth. Sirius noticed the lunch cart coming up the aisle.

"Hey Moony, want to have some fun?" he asked.

"Uh, that depends," said Remus.

"Let's pretend we don't speak English," said Sirius, grinning.

"Okay," Remus agreed doubtfully. "Then what do we speak?"

"Well, duh, Moony. You speak Welsh and I speak Irish, remember?" said Sirius.

"But you don't speak Welsh and I don't speak Irish," Remus pointed out.

"That doesn't matter," said Sirius. "It'll work, trust me."

"Whatever you say Padfoot," muttered Remus, as the lunch cart reached them.

"Hello, would you like something to eat?" asked the stewardess. 

"An labhraionn tu Gaeilge?" Sirius asked. The woman looked at him. 

"Excuse me?" 

"Ta ocras orm." He told her, smiling. She hurried on. 

"What did you say to her?" Lily asked. Sirius shrugged. 

"I told her I was hungry." 

"Um guys…" Peter said. They turned to look at him. 

"What?" 

"I think I'm going to be sick." He moaned. 

"Oh god, not again!" Sirius moaned too, remembering a certain bus trip, long ago. Peter scrambled over Remus and Sirius, not bothering to let them get up, and dashed down the aisle to the lav. 

Soon the Marauders settled back into their seats for the long plane ride. Lily fell asleep on James's shoulder, and Sirius put his chair back as far as it would go, into Snape's face. Lockhart was chatting incessantly to Snape who was glaring at anything that moved. Satisfied that he was annoying Snape, Sirius fell asleep. 

About seven hours later, he awoke to Remus nudging him. 

"We're landing." Sirius rubbed his eyes and sat up. He noticed Remus was now sitting in the window seat. 

"Where's Peter?" 

"He tried to come back, but you wouldn't let him, and then he had to go back to the bathroom." 

"When was this?" 

"About six hours ago." Sirius grinned. He groaned to hear Lockhart, still talking as energetically as he had been before. 

"Lockhart, shut up." He called. 

"Oh but I was just telling Severus here about the time when I was ten and I battled those trolls up in the mountains where I used to live." 

"Lockhart, shut up." 

"Alright, alright now. There's no need for jealousy." Sirius turned around his seat. 

"What did you say?" 

"I only mean I know you aren't as talented as me in the dark arts. It's a gift. I'm sure your talent is out there somewhere; you just need to find it. There's no need to be jealous of me." 

"No." Sirius told him. "There's really not." 

"Glad we understand each other, jolly good chap!" 

"Lockhart, if you ever call me a jolly good chap again, I will be forced to rip out your arm and beat you with it." Sirius told him, in a calm even tone. Snape looked a bit frightened. 

"Now, now, there's no need for violence." Lockhart said, chuckling nervously. 

"Not yet." Sirius told him and turned back around. Remus gave Sirius a look. 

"Remind me never to make you mad, alright?" Remus asked him. Sirius raised his eyebrow. 

Peter stumbled out of the lav just as the plane began to descend and he tumbled to the ground and rolled a bit down the aisle. Blushing, he climbed into his seat and glanced out the window. The landing was uneventful as Sirius was still too tired to actually do any damage. 

When they arrived, the sky was cloudy and muggy. At the baggage claim, they waited. 

Sirius pulled his large sports bad came first, and then came Remus's suitcase, then Peter's trash bag, then and Lily's duffle. But James's duffle never arrived. 

"No! My bag! It's not here, Lily! It's not here!" James cried. 

'It's all right, James. They probably just lost it. They'll bring it by when they get it." Lily told him. 

"No! I want it now!" 

"Is there a problem?" Dumbledore asked, his own large velvet drawstring bag slung over his shoulder. 

"James's bag never came in, sir." Remus told him. 

" Odd, Mr. Lockhart's bag is missing too. Well, I'm sure it will come in. now let's go, the taxi's are waiting." Sirius, Remus, and Lily helped a near tears James to their waiting taxi. 

They were dropped off at the hotel by a driver who didn't even wait for his money before fleeing the scene. You could hear him screaming the entire way down the block. The other students watched as he lost control and crashed right into a fire hydrant. Water shot up everywhere and the driver climbed out of his car and ran, screaming, down the street. 

"You know, I didn't think transfiguring his hat into a squid would make him that angry." Sirius said, watching. He shrugged and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. James whimpered. 

"My bag." 

"Oh, poor Jamesie." Lily said, hugging him close. 

"Aw, poor Jamesie!" Sirius cackled. 

"Yeah, poor poor Jamesie Wamesie." Remus joined him. 

"Shut up. As his fiancé, I have the right to make up any names I want." Lily told them. that gave them something to think about and while they were distracted, Lily pulled James inside. 

They found the hotel to be rather dark and dingy. The room was quite small and rundown.

"This is it?" asked James. "First my bag and now this?"

"Not to worry," said Dumbledore, and with a flick of his wand, the room was transformed into a room with four large four-poster beds, and a refrigerator filled with snacks and to the approval of Remus, Pepsi. Everyone's bags were at the end of their beds. All, of course, except for James's, whose still wasn't there.

"My bag," he whimpered again.

"Oh, shut up!" said Sirius. "You'll live without your bag."

"No I won't!" wailed James.

"Why not?" asked Peter. James just shook his head and wouldn't answer. After they settled in to their hotel room, and Lily cheered up James, who was still suffering the loss of his bag, they were too tired to do much other than turn Snape's hair red, then go to bed. 

"Let's go to the Statue of Liberty," said Remus. "I would really like to see it."

"I'm taking a shower." Lily said. "Why don't you guys go cheer James up?" And so she left them to their sightseeing. 

They caught a ferry and Sirius climbed to the very front of it. Not satisfied, he climbed over the railing. 

"Sirius! Get back over here!" Remus shouted. Sirius climbed back over, grumbling. 

When they reached the island, they were dismayed at the long line. But they got in line. 

After four hours, Sirius was going berserk. He was cursing at all the people coming down the opposite stairs. He was pacing the same stair he was standing on. 

"Sirius, calm down!" Remus told. 

"I can't! I have to do something! Now!" just then the door opened and they were allowed up into the crown. Sirius dashed to the window and looked down. 

"Wow!" Remus said. The skyline of New York in the background was impressive. But Sirius wasn't impressed. 

"This is boring." He mumbled. James nodded. 

"I wish we could see what it looks like from outside." James said. Then Sirius smiled. That slow evil grin that he had only when he got a very adventurous and dangerous idea. 

"Oh boy." Remus muttered. 

Sirius slipped behind the guard and over to a window. He pulled out his wand and tapped the glass. It was gone in an instant. He motioned to his friends, then swung his legs over the side. 

"No!" Remus hissed, but Sirius had already jumped. His friends rushed over and were relieved to see him seated on the edge, grinning at them. 

"Come on. You can go all the way up." Carefully, both Remus and James climbed over and joined their friend in scrambling to the top. Peter hesitated, and it gave the guard a second to turn around. 

"What the? Hey kid! Get back!" he pulled Peter away from the open window and stuck his head out. To his horror, he saw Remus, James, and Sirius perched between the spikes on the crown. They grinned and waved at him. 

"Oh my god! Get back in here now!" he shouted. 

"No, I don't think so. Its nice out here." Sirius shouted back. 

"Get back in here, or I'll call the police!" 

"Police? Cool!" James called. 

The man slipped back inside. He pulled out his walkie-talkie. "Need assistance now! We have three kids outside! Requesting assistance!" 

Remus, Sirius, and James were seated on the spikes. 

"Isn't it pretty, Prongs?" 

"Yeah, I guess so." 

"I can't believe we're doing this." Remus said. 

'Oh lighten up, Moony. Hey, if we fall, we'll bounce." Remus looked doubtful. 

"What's that?" James asked. A loud buzzing was steadily growing louder. 

Suddenly a large helicopter flew by. They waved. A man with a camera was leaning out the window. 

"Hey! Are we on t.v.? hey!" Sirius shouted, standing up and waving. 

"Sirius! Sit down!" Remus shouted. Sirius ignored him. 

"Hi Addi! Yep, your boyfriend's here too! Say hi to Addi, Remus!" he dragged Remus to his feet and Remus waved, grinning now. 

The helicopter was beginning to turn away.

"NO! wait! James, say something stupid!" James thought for a moment. Then he grinned, opened his mouth and began to sing. 

"Something stupid. Something stupid. Sooooooooooomethiiiiing stuuuuuuupiiiiid!" he repeated himself. Remus and Sirius picked up very quickly and soon they were all singing. They were interrupted by an all too familiar voice. Lily's. 

"Sirius Lee Black! Remus Jeremy Lupin! When I said cheer James up, this is not what I had in mind!" 

Dumbledore sat on his bed, randomly flipping through channels, on his hotel room t.v. he stopped on channel five, when he thought he saw a very familiar face. 

"They just went out. I tried to stop them, but they just went." A distraught Peter was standing in front of the muggle camera. Oh boy, Dumbledore thought. 

"The boys have now been up there for more than an hour. Rescue attempts so far have failed." The camera switched to show the top of the Statue of Liberty. 

Three boys, three very familiar boys, were standing on the crown, waving, grinning and holding a huge sign that said, "Snape is a slimy git." 

As Dumbledore hurried to pull open the door, he heard the announcer say, "The question remains, who is Snape?" 

From down the hall, Dumbledore heard a frantic shriek. 

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" 

Adhara Black, safe and sound, three thousand miles away from her brother at the moment, settled back onto the couch. Her friends were crowed around, all relaxing for the evening. 

Her friend, Charlotte was flipping through channels on the t.v. 

"Hey wait! Go back!" said her other friend, Marianna. Charlotte changed the channel back.

"Isn't that your brother, Addi?" asked Marianna. Addi looked at the screen, saw her twin, Sirius, her boyfriend, Remus and her friend, James on top of the Statue of Liberty, and groaned.

"Oh, no, I've never seen them before in my life," she denied knowing them.

"Oh, okay," said Marianna. "I just thought it looked like him." Addi sighed, relieved that her friends wouldn't find out how big of a lot of idiots her brother and her boyfriend were. But just before Charlotte changed the channel—

"Hi Addi!" called Sirius. "Hi!" He waved and grinned. "Say hi to Addi, Remus!"

"Hi!" Remus called, grinning.

"It is your brother!" said Marianna. "And your boyfriend!" Addi buried her face in her hands, moaning.

Three hours later, James, Sirius and Remus were seated in a police station.

"I can't believe this," moaned Remus from where he was seated in a corner. "What's going to happen to us? What if Dumbledore finds out?"

"Who cares about Dumbledore! What's going to happen when Lily sees me? She'll kill me! She'll break up with me! Or even worse, she'll break up with me and then kill me!" said James, pacing.

"Isn't this cool, guys? We've been arrested!" said Sirius cheerfully. Peter stood outside the cell, peering through the bars, shaking his head.

"Okay," said a police officer, appearing from around the corner. "You're free to go."

"What, really?" asked James.

"Damn it!" muttered Sirius 

"Yeah, some old guy came and bailed you out," said the police officer, with raised eyebrows. Just then, Dumbledore walked over, shaking his head.

"Hi Professor," said Remus nervously. "We—er—um—it was all Sirius's idea!"

"Yeah! It was!" said Sirius enthusiastically. Dumbledore shook his head and didn't speak, but motioned for them to leave.

"Professor, we're—er—we're not expelled are we?" asked Remus. Dumbledore shook his head, and all of them left.

"Lily's gonna kill me…Lily's gonna kill me…" James moaned, as they climbed into the taxi to go back to the hotel.

When they arrived, as they were heading towards their hotel room, they did encounter Lily.

"James Potter!" she shouted.

"Oh no," muttered James. He covered his eyes with his hands. "Just get it over with," he mumbled.

"You're alive!" Lily cried, throwing her arms around him. She smothered him with kisses. 

"You aren't gonna kill me?" he asked hopefully. 

"Not yet." She told him. Then they got busy. 

"You!" Snape interrupted the prefect moment by bursting into the lobby, and pointing at the Marauders. 

"You're dead, Potter!" then the remaining three Marauders advanced on him. 

They glared down at him, up in Peter's case, and he glanced around. Then he turned and ran. He knocked over Lockhart as he came into the room and Snape was going out. 

After they'd finally decided they'd caused enough damage for one day, they decided it might be a good time to go to bed. 

The next morning, they were awakened by a knock on the door. 

James climbed out of one of the four transfigured beds and opened the door. 

"Bag for Mr. James Potter," said the man, holding out a duffle bag.

"My bag!" James cried, throwing his arms around the man. "You found it!" The man frowned and tried to push James away. It was at that moment that Lily came walking over from her room across the hall.

"Morning. What's going on?" there was a sparse muttering for the remaining three beds in which Remus, Sirius, and Peter, were sleeping. 

'My bag! My bag! They found my bag!" James told her. She nodded and the deliveryman slipped out of James's hug and dashed down the hall, where he knocked on another door. Then James and Lily watched as the door opened and the man's face grew wide with fright. 

"Oh my God! You kids are disgusting!" he shouted, not even bothering to get a signature as he tore down the hall. 

"Who's staying in that room?" Lily asked. 

"Er," 

"Lockhart and Snape." Remus muttered. 

There was a momentary silence. Then Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat up in bed, identical looks of horror and disgust on their faces. Lily and James joined them in shouting, "EEEEWWWW!!!!" 

"So what was in that bag that was so important , James?" Lily asked, mostly to divert her mind from the gross picture presented by that idea. 

"Oh, " he said, grinning, "I have a surprise for you, Lil." 

"Aw, that's so sweet of you, James." 

"Adorable." Sirius muttered as he rolled out of bed and onto the floor. "Ow! Damnit!" 

"Wake up. Then get up, Padfoot." Remus reminded him. He ran his fingers through his hair. "So what's the surprise, James? Or do we have to leave?" 

"If we do, I'm not." Sirius muttered, trying to tame his long hair. 

"No, no. you can stay." James said, still grinning. "Now, Lily, I got you a little something special from Harrods." 

"Harrods?" she asked smiling. "James, that is so sweet." 

"You can wear it when I take you to dinner tonight." He said, grinning, very proud of himself. He pulled a small package out of his bag. 

"Aw James, you shouldn't have." Lily said. The moment was ruined as Sirius gagged. 

James handed her the small package. She took it and opened it. 

There was a moment of silence, then, "James Potter! You're sick!" Lily screamed, then slapped him across the face and ran from the room, throwing the package to the ground. 

"Ow, that's gonna leave a mark." Sirius said. 

"What was in it?" Remus asked. James looked about ready to cry, as he held the small brown bag. 

"What? What is it?" Remus asked. He took it from his friends and pulled out a bright red leather thong. Remus dropped it as if it were made of Snape hair. 

"Oh my god! James!" Sirius shouted, leaping away from it. 

"That's not my bag." James whimpered. 

"God, I hope not!" Peter spoke for the first time. Sirius poked it with a coat hanger. 

"Who would buy something like that?" he asked, in disgust. 

"Or better yet, why would Harrods sell something like that? I mean, you can't even wear shorts in there." Remus mumbled. 

"Can't bring dogs in either. I've tried." Sirius agreed. Remus rolled his eyes. 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Lockhart stuck his head nervously in. Sirius grabbed the unwanted article of clothing and shoved it back in the bag and into the duffle.

"Um, James." He asked. James made no move to talk to him so Remus took over. 

"He's a bit traumatized at the moment." 

"Well, um, er, I think our bags may have gotten switched." He pulled James's duffle into the room. Sirius's face now took on a look of disgusted disbelief. 

"Oh my god." He muttered. Remus ignored him and all but threw the bag at Lockhart. Then he shoved him out the door. 

"Thanks guys," Lockhart said, grinning. Then he was gone. James reached into the bag and pulled out the gift he'd planned to give Lily. 

A long white dress, flower patterned, sleeveless, and shimmering. His friends stared at it. 

"Well, you'd better call Lily back." Remus said. James whimpered. 

"But what if she won't speak to me?" Sirius groaned and marched out the door. He crossed the hall and pounded on Lily's door. 

"What?" she called. 

"Lily, can we talk?" she opened the door a creak. 

"What is it, Sirius?" he sighed. 

"Lil, there's been a mix-up. That wasn't James's bag." 

"Whose was it, then?" she demanded. 

"Lockhart's." Sirius told her, making that face again. Lily made a similar one. 

"Oh my God! Ew!" he nodded. 

"And now James wants to give you his real gift. Now before you ask, I've seen it and you'll love it." without another word, he dragged her into the hall and back into the boy's room. 

When she saw the dress, Lily froze. Then she dove onto James, kissing him. 

"Oh, James! It's perfect!" 

"Just like you, Lily." He told her. Sirius gagged again. 

James spent the rest of the morning, which wasn't much, and most of the afternoon, trying to tame his hair. Sirius tried to tell him it was a losing battle, but James ignored him and refused to let him use the mirror. A small battle ensued and Sirius was booted out of the bathroom. After several hours, and over twenty cans of hair gel, James' hair looked quite the same. He finally reappeared from the bathroom, wearing a tux and carrying a small bouquet of lilies. 

"How do I look?" he asked Sirius.

Sirius glared, still in his pajamas. "Like you spent six hours in the bathroom doing absolutely nothing." James's grin faded a bit, but he still smiled. 

"Oh, don't mind Sirius. You look great." Remus told him. James grinned again while Sirius grabbed his clothes and slammed the bathroom door before anyone could grab it. 

He emerged ten minutes later, hair tired back, dressed in muggle clothes. And not just any muggle clothes. Sirius was dressed in a white cotton shirt, jeans, and a black leather jacket. His favorite earring, the gold fang, was dangling from his right ear, and he was grinning. 

"Oh no." Remus muttered. 

"So where are you going?" James asked. 

"Out." Sirius told him, "You go out on your date with Lily and we're going partying." 

"We're? There is no we in this." Remus said. 

"There's a we. Get dressed." 

"But I have a girlfriend!" Remus protested. "And she's your sister!" 

"So? Don't talk to any girls. Just come with me anyway. Peter's coming." 

"I am?" Peter looked up. 

"Yes, you are." 

"Why are we going?" Remus asked. 

"To have fun!" Sirius said, shoving him towards the bathroom door. 

"You never used to be like this when you had a steady girlfriend. What happened?" Remus moaned. He regretted it an instant later as a look of pain and regret flashed across Sirius's face. 

"She died, Remus. That's what happened." Sirius said, softly. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. Then Remus gathered up his clothes. 

"Well, I'll just get dressed then, won't I?" A few minutes later, he came out, dressed in the black tee shirt and jeans, Sirius had thrown at him. He needed far less time in the bathroom because his hair was much shorter and much less wild than the other two. He found Peter already dressed in a loaned pair of jeans, with a plaid shirt over them. 

"Let's go!" Sirius said, grinning. He grabbed Remus and shoved James ahead of him. They left James outside Lily's door and headed out onto the street. 

"This is a very very very bad idea." Remus moaned. 

"Oh, get over it, Moony." Sirius told him, glancing up and down the street. He spotted a large sign that said Harry's Bar and Dance Cub.

"Oh! Let's go to that one!" said Sirius.

"Why that one?" asked Peter.

"I don't know. Because I said so!" said Sirius. "Now come on." 

"No…no…no…this isn't happening…no…no…" Remus was moaning, his eyes closed. 

"Come on Moony!" said Sirius, dragging Remus and Peter into the bar.

The bar was dark, the only lights coming from what appeared to be a dance floor in the corner. It was crowded, noisy, hot, and smelled strongly of smoke. People, their age and a bit older, were crowed everywhere. Some were dancing, some were sitting at the bar drinking and others were sitting in booths, entertaining themselves in other ways. 

"I can't believe we're doing this!" moaned Remus. Sirius ignored him, and dragged him and Peter up to the counter where the bartender gave them a look. 

"What can I get for you, boys?" 

"What do you have?" Sirius asked, using a perfect American accent. Remus gave him a look as the bartender handed them three beers. 

"Thanks, mate" Sirius said, switching back to his normal way of speaking. 

The bartender shook his head, and Remus heard him mutter, "Kids these days." 

"Now what?" he shouted to Sirius who had already opened his beer and was taking a long swig. "Padfoot! You aren't even legal yet!" Remus shouted, trying to grab the bottle out of Sirius's hands. Sirius grinned and waved it above his head. 

"I am so!" 

"Back home? Yes! Here, no!" 

"So? That doesn't seem to be bothering Peter." He said. Remus looked over and groaned. Peter's bottle was already empty.

"Peter!" 

"Wow! That's better than butterbeer!" Peter said, swaying slightly. 

"Did you drink all of that?" Remus asked. 

"Maybe." Peter thought hard, "I'm not sure." 

"Are you gonna drink that?" Sirius asked, pointing to Remus's unopened bottle with his empty one. 

"No!" Remus said. 

"Can I have it then?' he asked. Remus shook his head and Sirius took that as a yes. He grabbed the bottled and opened it. He was well on his way to draining that one when he almost spit it out. 

"What?" Remus asked. Sirius pointed behind him, still trying to recover. Remus turned around. 

"Oh, God! Wormtail!" Peter was now standing on the table, dancing, and holding a new bottle in his hands. 

"He's getting into the idea." Sirius said. 

"Hey." A voice said behind them. They spun around to see a blond in a skimpy red dress. 

'Hello." Sirius said, letting his marauder grin spread slowly across his face. Remus groaned inwardly. 

"Do you want to dance?" she asked Sirius, grinning. 

"Sure." He replied and she took his hand and led him into the crowd. 

"No! Sirius, wait! Bad idea!" Remus called. Sirius grinned over his shoulder. 

"Relax, Moony. Have a drink!" He called. Then he was gone. 

Remus groaned. There was a cheer behind him and he didn't want to turn around. 

"Hello." A girl, with dark brown hair and a very very small dress was standing next to him. 

"Hello." He muttered. 

"I'm Veronica." 

"Remus." There was another cheer behind him. 

"So, Remus, you're not from around here, are you? I mean, you have the cutest accent. Are you from Brooklyn?" Remus raised his eyebrow. 

"Wales." 

"Wales? You live in a whale?" 

"Wales. It's a country next to England." 

"Oh." She frowned. "So do you want a drink?" 

"No." 

"Not even one? If I buy?" she asked, giving him a smile. 

"Nope." 

"Aw come on, Moony." Sirius was back. The blond was gone, replaced with a brunette 

"No, Sirius." 

"Moony, have a bit of fun!" 

"No." 

"Moony-" 

"No, Sirius." The girl frowned and sulked away. 

Remus let out a sigh of relief. 

"Remus, come on." 

"Sirius, this is your idea. Not mine." 

"Yeah, well, even Peter's himself." 

Remus finally turned and saw, to his horror, Peter on the table, his shirt was gone and he was spinning. 

"What have you done to him?" 

" It's not what I've done. I just gave him a drink. It's the alcohol that did that." He said. Remus groaned, but before he could reply, Sirius was gone with the brunette again, and they disappeared into the crowd on the dance floor.

Remus sat moaning, unable to comprehend what he was seeing his two best friends doing. Just then, a raven-haired girl slid up to him.

"Hi, can I buy you a drink?" she squeaked.

"No, no! Not you too! Would you people leave me alone!" Remus shouted.

"Well, aren't you Mr. Egotistical!" she shouted.

"Wow, she knows a word that big," Remus muttered as she stormed away. Just then, the song ended and Sirius reappeared again, this time with another blonde. Remus spotted him instantly and dragged him into a corner.

"Sirius, what do you think you're doing!" he demanded, grabbing the beer that was in Sirius's hand and pouring it on the floor.

"Hey! I was drinking that!" Sirius complained.

"And what is that, your fifth?" asked Remus.

"Er—I stopped counting after the fourth…" answered Sirius.

"What are you doing? Trying to drink yourself into a coma?" Remus demanded.

"It's none of your business what I do!" Sirius shouted.

"Erin would be ashamed of you!" Remus shouted. Sirius gave him a look of regret, and Remus instantly felt guilty.

"Well, Erin's not here to be ashamed of me because she's dead!" Sirius shouted, grabbed the blonde, and left. 

"No wait Sirius! Where are you going?" Remus stopped shouting when Sirius slammed the door. Remus sighed, and decided to go find Peter. He turned back to the table and shrieked in horror. Peter was still dancing, but had now lost his pants. All that remained were his boxers and socks.

"What the hell is wrong with my friends," moaned Remus. 

It was almost half hour later when Sirius returned, minus the blonde. His face was dazed and he was smiling a bit oddly, as if he'd just had the time of his life. In his hands was yet another beer. 

"Sirius? Where have you been? And what did you do?" Remus shouted above the music. 

"What didn't I do? I did a lot of things." Sirius told him, still smiling slightly dazed and taking another swig of his beer. 

"Oh my God! What is this? You're all insane! This is not real; it's a dream, a bad bad bad dream. I'm going to wake up and everything will be fine. Wake up, Remus! Wake up!" Remus moaned. 

"Oh look at Peter! He better keep those one. There are clothing restrictions here." Sirius said. Remus groaned. 

"Yeah well, that didn't stop you." He growled, and then grabbed Sirius by the arm, dragging him over to the table and yanking Peter off it, much to the dismay of the crowd. He pulled the shirt, pants, and shoes out of the hands of a girl and shoved them at Peter. 

Then he dragged them out the door. 

Peter pulled on his clothes and grinned at his friends. They wandered down the street, both Sirius and Peter quite a bit unsteady. 

"That was fun! We should do it again!" Peter said, grinning. Then his eyes rolled back and he toppled to the ground. 

"Go Wormtail!" Sirius grinned. Remus moaned. 

"Shut up, Sirius, and help me carry him." Luckily their hotel was only a few blocks and it was not a long walk. But by the time they'd reached their hotel, Sirius looked more ready to drop than Peter had. Remus checked that the coast was clear and they slipped into their room. Remus dropped Peter onto his bed. He checked the clock, which read 3:19.

"So, Sirius, where do you think James is?" He got no reply. Remus turned around to see Sirius fast asleep on his own bed. He groaned and rolled him over so he wasn't on his back. Then he slipped into his own bed and tried to sleep over Peter's snores. 

"Morning guys!" James voice came from the doorway. Remus glanced at his alarm clock. It read 12:17. He looked up at James. He was wearing the same smile Sirius had had the night before.

"No! Not you too!" Remus shouted. James looked confused.

"No noise," Sirius muttered.

"What did you do last night?" asked James.

"What did _you_ do last night?" asked Remus.

"Oh, I took Lily to a great restaurant, we had dinner. Then we went for a carriage ride around the park, and then we came back to the hotel…"

"Okay! There's no need to go any further than that!" said Remus, looking disgusted.

"Stop shouting, my head is killing me!" moaned Sirius.

"Well, it's your fault for having all those beers!" shouted Remus. Sirius whimpered.

"How many did he have?" asked James.

"You don't want to know," said Remus. Sirius got a sudden urge to use the bathroom, leapt from his bed, and slammed the door behind him. They could hear gagging noises.

"Ewww," said James. Peter sat up in bed suddenly.

"Uh-oh."

"Oh no," moaned Remus. 

"Bathroom, now," moaned Peter looking green.

"Sirius hurry up! It's an emergency!" Remus shouted through the door. Sirius pulled the door open a bit, then slammed it shut again. 

"Oh come on!" James grabbed Peter and pulled him out the door. 

"Lily! Open up! We have an emergency!" Lily opened the door. 

"Sorry, James. My roommate's using it." she noticed Peter. "What's wrong with him?" 

"Hangover." Lily frowned disapprovingly. 

"Why don't you use your bathroom?" she asked. 

"Sirius is currently using it." She made another face. 

"Try Snape!" Remus shouted from their room. They could hear him calling through the door. "Okay, Sirius, it's okay. Just keep it in the toilet." 

James groaned and dragged Peter down the hall. He pounded on the door. Lockhart opened it. 

"Yes?" 

"Can we use your bathroom?" James asked. 

"What's wrong with yours?" Snape asked, sneering as he pushed Lockhart out of the way. 

"It's occupied. Look, it's important, Peter's-" Peter proved exactly what was wrong with him all over Snape's shoes. 

Snape screamed like a frightened little girl. James couldn't help but laugh. Peter pushed past Snape and Lockhart and slammed their bathroom door.

"That's not exactly sanitary, is it?" Lockhart questioned. Remus poked his head out of the door. 

"James, the bathroom's free." There was the sound of a door slamming. "Er, never mind." 

This continued for most of the day, Sirius finally leaving the bathroom around four in the afternoon. He flopped onto his bed and groaned. 

"Congratulations Padfoot, you beat my record." James told him. 

"Shut up, Prongs." Sirius moaned, shoving a pillow over his head. 

"Oh, poor Sirius. How are you feeling?" Lily asked 

'Terrible." Sirius muttered through the pillow. 

"Well, maybe if you had cut back like I'd said. " Remus muttered. 

"Cut back on what?" Lily asked. 

"Beer and girls." Remus told her. Lily frowned. 

"Oh, don't give me that look." Sirius groaned. 

"Your face is buried in the pillow. How do you know what face she's making?" James asked. 

"Because I know her." 

"Unlike that girl you left with last night." Remus said. Four faces turned to face him. 

"What girl?" James asked, interested. Sirius shook his head. 

"Oh you remember. That one you left with, you know, the one you…" 

"Oh! Her! Oh, what was her name?" Sirius said. James raised his eyebrow. 

"And where did you go?" He asked. 

"Her car, I think." Sirius said. 

"I'm almost afraid to ask." Lily paused. "No wait, I am afraid to ask." 

"Why? What did you do?" Peter asked, from his bed. 

No one said anything. Then, "Peter! What do you think?" Remus said, almost shouting. 

"Don't shout, Remus." Sirius muttered. 

"What? What did he do?" 

"Same thing Prongs and Lily did." Remus told him, glaring. 

"Remus!" Three voices shouted, indignantly. 

"How do you know what we did?" Remus gave them a look. But Sirius looked more interested than he had all day. 

"Oh, Prongs, Lily. About time." He grinned, and then was attacked by James. 

"Ow! No, Prongs! Ow! Head! Pain, don't hit me there! Ow!" James let him go and Sirius fell back on the bed, whimpering. 

After several more visits to the bathroom, Sirius and Peter fell asleep. Soon after so did Remus, and James, who was in his own room that night.

The next day, Dumbledore proposed a trip to the Central park Zoo. The Marauders agreed to go along for the single reason that there was nothing else to do and besides, Lily threatened to tell Dumbledore about the previous day if they didn't behave. 

They grumbled as they were led around the zoo. James had taken them to the London Zoo years before and so they understood muggle zoos quite well. It also meant, Sirius was very easily bored. 

But it wasn't until they reached the wolves that he got a plan. 

"Look at them. That's not right to keep a wolf caged up like that." Remus said. He looked offended. Sirius agreed. 

"It's not right to keep any animal caged like that." He growled at the wolves. One bared its teeth and growled back. Remus locked eyes with one and it howled, long and loud. 

James groaned. Lily sighed. "I know, you don't like it, but the group is leaving. Come on." 

"We'll be there in a minute, Lil." Sirius told her. Then he grabbed James, Remus, and Peter and pulled them close in a huddle. 

"Uh oh. I know that look. That's the look Padfoot always has whenever we get in trouble." Remus moaned. 

"Shut up, Moony. You'll like this one." He leaned closer. "What do you say we give the wolves a taste of freedom?" 

"Padfoot, do you have any idea what a pack of wolves running around New York City would do?" 

"But Moony, think about it. How would you like to live in a cage all your life? Nowhere to run, nowhere to hunt or chase things. just the same old thing day after day…" Sirius pleaded, appealing to the wolf inside Remus. He smiled, as Remus's eyes narrowed. They were going to do it. 

Remus marched up to the cage. He took out his wand and tapped the door. The door swung open. The wolves looked up at Remus. It was almost as if they sensed another of their kind, because they made no move to attack him, just bounded out the door when he stepped aside. 

There were screams as the wolves ran across the path into the woods around Central Park. Sirius cackled evilly and rushed to the bear cage. 

"No!" but James was too late. Sirius had pulled open the door and the huge black bear was leaping out. James rolled his eyes, but soon took up the idea, releasing several monkeys, moose, and a pelican. Peter was left to let loose the snakes. 

Then the boys hurried on, leaving the zoo in chaos. 

The next day at breakfast, they were delighted to see on the news the amazing escape of most of the animals in the zoo. 

Dumbledore choked on his cereal. He looked at the three boys, with great suspicion. 

"No one knows how the cages opened. It seemed the locks simply ceased to work." the reporter was saying. Remus, Sirius, and James all attempted to stifle their laughter. 

"Boys." Dumbledore began. 

"Uh, sorry, Professor! Gotta go!" James grabbed his friends and they hurried out the door. 

"What should we do today?" Sirius asked. 

"I dunno." Remus said, kicking a can at Sirius who kicked it back. 

"Well, it's our last day here. We need to do something." Sirius told him, kicking the can down the street. James grinned and stole the can from Sirius. The two engaged in a small game of kick the can. 

"Hey, what's that big building over there?" asked Peter.

"That's the Empire State Building," said Remus. "Once the tallest building in the world." He added.

"Cool," said James. "Could we go up it?" 

"Sure," said Remus. "Let's go." They entered the building. 

"How do you get to the top?" James asked the guard. 

"The elevator," answered the guard.

"Elevator? What's an elevator?" asked Remus curiously.

"That," said Sirius, pointing. "Is an elevator." They walked inside. 

"Now what?" Peter asked. 

"Uh James?" Sirius asked. 

"Yes?" 

"Press the button." He pointed to the rows of buttons James was standing next to. 

"What button?" Sirius groaned. 

"Pick one." 

"Really?" 

"No. Press the top one." James pressed the highest bottom. The elevator jerked and the doors closed. Peter whimpered. 

"What?" 

"Is it going to be this small all the way up?" Sirius sighed and nodded. 

"How does this thing work?" Remus asked. 

"Well, the gears pull it to the top and back to the bottom." Sirius told him. Remus's eyes got big. 

"What happens if the gears don't work?" 

"Well, then the elevator crashes and we all die." Sirius said, grinning evilly. Remus grabbed the railing and held tight. 

It was a few minutes of uneasy silence until the elevator gave a jerk, Remus grabbed the wall and stared in fright, Peter remained curled up in the ball he'd been in since the doors closed, and the doors opened. James and Sirius dragged their friends out and over to the edge. 

"Wow! That's a long way down!" James said, peering over the edge.   
I heard that if you throw a penny over the edge, it can kill someone." Remus said. 

"I dare you to jump." Peter said, to Sirius, who gave him a long look., then grinned. 

"Okay. I bet you ten galleons I'll do it." 

"You're on." Peter said, shaking his friend's hand. 

"Do what?" James asked. 

"This." Sirius said, leaping over the edge. 

"No!" Remus tried to catch him, but missed. And Sirius was gone. 

"Oh my God! Peter, you killed him!" James yelled. 

"We have to get down there!" Remus dragged them back to the elevator. They stood in it for a second, insure of what Sirius had done to start it. 

"Oh , come on." James said, grabbing his friends and heading for the stairs. 

They were almost two flights down when a familiar figure flew up by the window. Sirius came down again, grinning and waving. 

"Sirius!" then he was gone again. 

They hurried down the rest of the stairs which took then a good part of the next ten minutes, even when Peter tripped and rolled three flights. They hurried into the lobby and out the door, panting. 

"Where is he?" James asked, breathing hard. 

"Hey guys!" Sirius called. 

"Sirius! You're alive!" Remus called. 

"What happened!" James gasped. 

"I bounced." Sirius told him. 

"You bounced?" James asked. 

"Yep." 

"You weren't supposed to take me seriously!" Peter moaned. 

"How else can I take you, Peter? I'm Sirius Lee!" Remus and James moaned. " By the way, you owe me ten galleons." 

It was a few hours later they were packing to leave.

"I like New York," said Sirius. "Do we have to leave?"

"Yes!" cried James, Remus, Peter and Lily in unison.

"Damn! I had the best time of my life here!" said Sirius.

"I'm sure you did," replied Remus.

"Shut up, Moony," said Sirius.

"I'm telling Addi all about this when we get back," Remus threatened.

"Oh no you're not!"

"Wanna bet? I think it's time for a game of pitch black!" Remus shouted.

"NO!" shouted Sirius.

"Yay! Pitch black!" James shouted, grabbing Sirius and tossing him across the room, into the wall.

"Ouch! Help me!" Sirius moaned. The game continued for several more hours, until it was time to go back to the airport.

"Bye New York! I'll be back!" Sirius called when the plane was taking off.

"Not if we can help it!" shouted Remus and James in unison. They all laughed. It would certainly be a trip they'd never forget.


End file.
